So Much Cooler Than Dracula, and Other Monster Aca

Sheila: The Pros and Cons of, like, Being a Banshee | August 5, 2010

You know, it’s hard when nobody knows who you are. It’s bad enough to be a monster. Need I be an obscure one too? Everyone else at my new school is going to be super famous. Vampires and werewolves, are, like, cultural icons. Especially since those awesome Twilight books! Yah, I’m a fan girl. What can I say? Oh, and that new ride at Disney, Expedition Everest, or whatever it is, is totally bringing Yeti in to the limelight. But no one even knows what a Banshee is!   

Okay, so most people have heard of us. But they don’t actually know what we are. They just know we may shreeking noises. But they’re so much more to me! And none of it’s very fun.     First of all, I can’t help it if I’m a little loud. It’s part of my bubbly, expressive personality. My mom always said that was a good thing! Second of all, if you knew what I had to cope with, like, every single day, you’d totally be more sympathetic. But your completely naive, just like the rest of the world, so I’m gunna have to explain it. Let’s put it in term you’ll understand. You ever see the show Dead Like Me? Pretty funny show. Unless it’s your life. Dead Like Me is about these guys who have to show up when people die and release their souls. It really sucks to be them. Which I guess I am. Banshee are like the heralds of death. When some poor dude gets crushed but a bus or falls of a building, we have to go to his nasty body and pass his soul on to the next life. Gross, right? And you don’t even know how many pairs of prada heels I’ve ruined with blood. It just sucks all around. 

     I’ve tried to get out of it. God, how I’ve tried. But it’s one of those chores you just can’t ditch. If I want to be a good, popular banshee, I have to be the best soul-collector around. How lame is that? Can’t we just bond together at the mall or something. Forget the dying people. We’re immortal, anyway.    Ya, so there are a few benefits to being a Banshee. The immortality is nice. I’m only 15, so I’m still aging, but once I hit 27, all that’s gunna stop. I’ll be young forever. Young and beautiful. Cause that’s the other thing I like about this job. It was decided than since the people we visit are dying, we might at least be pretty. That way they have something good in an otherwise crappy day. Therefore, all Banshee are insanely beautiful. I’m not being arrogant, I’m just stating the facts. I’m very pretty. Probably prettier than you. Again, just stating the facts. Guys always like me. None of them stick around long, because of the whole loud-mouth issue, but I’m still never without a boyfriend. And I look good in basically any color scheme. I’m a winter, spring, summer, and fall, all at once! I’m still not sure how that works, but isn’t it great?! So maybe I am more famous than I think. Because I’m way more like the Cullens then the creepy little vampires I know. I guess I’ll have to test that theory when I get to the academy tomorrow. All I know is, whatever happens, I’ll still be the prettiest there. And that’ll make me the most popular. Right? Right?!  I hope. 

                                                                                                           -Sheila Mortica   


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Being the tech squad director at my new boarding school sounded like such a good idea at the time. I just wish someone had told me it was a school for monsters! And trust me, these aren't the dashing Cullens and happy werewolves you'd expect. These are the real deal. So now I'm stuck managing the blogs of my peers: a sarcastic vampire, a cocky werewolf, a socially awkward Yeti, and a perpetually whinny banshee. But I don't need to tell you. Just read there blogs. At least it will be a good laugh. And then afterwords, please, please, please, someone out there: Get me out of here. I wan't OUT! HELP!







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